Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Languages of Love

This originally started life as the intro to my review of Between Two Thorns but then I got waaaaay too carried away and decided to make it a separate thing instead. 

I love buying people presents. For some reason I'm really good at remembering random, inconsequential details about people that aren't really that important yet my brain stores them away for no apparent reason. As a result I have great big spider webs of my friend's and family's likes and dislikes stored away in my head just waiting for their moment to be useful. It's seriously ridiculous the type of random information I retain about people and it's hardly ever helpful! 

I took the languages of love test a while ago (because I am an absolute sucker for personality test things I LOVE THEM) and my main way of expressing love and affection is gift giving. Everyone always interprets this as a sort of "buy me presents" mentality and like, yeah, if you wanna buy me gifts I will accept them with open arms because I am poor and quite frankly who doesn't love presents? But for me, it's more about the thought behind the thing. 

One of my absolute favourite things in the world is when people randomly message you being like "I saw this thing the other day and it made me think of you!" or "I found this and I thought of you because you like this other thing". It makes me grin like a fool I tell you! One time my friend bought me a dairylea dunkers jumbo tubes thing as part of my birthday present because he remembered me saying how much I love them and to this day I get a massive smile on my face when I think about that. Sad but true. 

In day to day life my head is constantly making connections between the things I'm seeing and the little spider webs I have stored away and most of the time this isn't very useful. Then birthdays happen. Suddenly, all of this random and otherwise useless information I have accumulated becomes relevant! Money no object my favourite way of giving people presents is to buy a box and then fill it with a whole bunch of stuff that I know they like. Two of my uni friends have birthdays quite close together so I gave them a joint "surviving university with me" box which included:

  • A pot of glitter each for nights out
  • A bottle of bubbles each as stress relief
  • A headband with ears on each (I used to write all of my essays wearing my cat ear headband, initially because it was the only way of keeping my hair out of my face and then later because it just became tradition)
  • A bottle of diet coke each because it's their favourite
  • An item of jewellery each as a main present
  • And I also made them each a playlist with all of their favourite songs on it
Since taking the languages of love test I realised that this is why I like buying people presents so much, because it feels like a way of affirming that I care about them. It's very silly but just doing something little like randomly giving someone a packet of their favourite sweets or something is just my way of being like "hey I know you like this thing so here is this thing for you because you're awesome and should have the things you like". My second highest result is words of affirmation so I also try and actually use my words to more clearly tell people how fab they are but it's still the same basic principle. 

This all started because I gave my mum a book I thought she'd like for her Christmas present and she really loved it which made me super happy (of course it did, she gave me words of affirmation so I felt appreciated. Do you hate me for going over board with this whole languages of love thing yet?). I like the way that I express affection but it's been really helpful to recognise the fact that not everyone expresses it in the same way. It can be really easy (for me at least) to over think things and get insecure about whether or not people do value you. The likelihood is, they care about you just as much as you do them, they just use a different means to express it. Last year me and the girls I live with all took the quiz at the same time and then had a massive chat about the ways in which we express affection and it was actually a really good thing to do because it meant we could show each other how much we valued each other in ways that would definitely be picked up on.

I feel like this has been another one of those posts where I have just completely rambled! Maybe I shouldn't be taking a random internet quiz thing so seriously, but I just find it really interesting! Let me know if you've taken the quiz, what your results are, any other thoughts you have on it to be honest!

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