Saturday, 24 January 2015

Perspective

This weekend I found myself heading back to Reading to celebrate the birthday of one of my university friends and I had an absolutely lovely time! I haven’t seen the girls in what feels like forever so it was just wonderful to have a big catch up.

It also helped me to gain a bit of perspective. There’s become a bit of a common theme on this blog where I freak out a bit over the fact that I have no idea what I’m doing and how I feel like I’m generally unqualified to be an adult. But as I was updating everyone on what the last few months have contained my friend commented something along the lines of “it sounds like it’s all coming together for you”. And weirdly I guess it kind of is?

I think I find it too easy to get caught up in the whole “I have no idea what I’m doing how do you adult” side of things and I haven’t really taken a step back and assessed where I’m actually at. When I look at it objectively, it actually has all come together a bit.

I have a job. In fact, I don’t just have any old job; I have a job that I actually enjoy. True the pay isn’t brilliant but really it’s quite a pleasant surprise to actually have a vague source of income. I’m learning a bunch of new stuff but I also feel like I’m actually knowledgeable and an asset to the company. I know things that are relevant and useful and the things I’m doing are actually having a positive impact and everything. I get to listen to music while I work, the people I work with are actually nice, and it’s only a 20 minute bus ride from my house. Somehow, I’ve actually managed to fulfil the task I set to myself a few months ago: to wait it out and find a job that I actually like.

I have also moved house. This is something that has been in the works for about two years by now so to have that actually done is a pretty big achievement. And the house is actually really lovely. Yes the first week was a bit rubbish and cold and I was a bit sad but by now it’s all looking much better! We have vaguely unpacked so that you can actually move about the place and we’re inching ever closer to having all of our amenities sorted out (oh internet, the day you arrive will be beautiful indeed!). Our area seems nice and I feel pretty safe walking about the place at night so I mean what more can you ask for really!

I had a really sociable Christmas and will be back to actually organising things with people just as soon as I’ve figured out all of my bus options (oh the joys of being reliant on public transport!) so I’m ticking the box called “spend time with lovely people”. Lack of internet does mean that I am speeding through books at the moment which is also great.

Essentially, I’m beginning to think I might be actually getting my shit together a little bit. There’s a chance that I’m actually on the path to being the interesting, fulfilled person that I know I have the potential to be. Which is pretty freaking awesome really!

I spent all of last week as a bundle of insecurity; I was pretty much convinced that I am a nuisance to everyone and generally questioning my worth. So I feel like I have gained some much needed perspective! Note to self – you are never as shit as you think you are.

Also I bought a tiny squishy toy ice cream in Reading and take pictures of it having random adventures so like, I also have that going for me.

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