Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Adventures in YouTube

I have been horrible at updating this for which I am kind of sorry and kind of not. When I first got my job it was important to me to keep blogging because it was something I really enjoyed and felt I was getting better at. It may look as though I have slipped up with this, but really I have just moved mediums! A lot of the things that I would normally blog about, I have now started talking about on youtube! Which is kind of super scary but also very exciting.

I love youtube and have done so for quite a while now. I’ve never delved into it for a number of reasons, the main one being that it really intimidates me! There are so many amazing and talented creators on there that I’ve always felt that it was a platform in which I should just be a spectator. After all, I am not musically talented, I am not a budding film maker, and I don’t exactly have the most interesting life to vlog. I felt like anything I had to say would have already been covered by people far more talented than I will ever be.

Before now I have never really shared my internet self with people I know in real life and I’m not entirely sure why. I just think the side of myself that really cares about things, whether that’s fictional characters or social issues, feels way more comfortable on the internet. I often feel like I fail at being me when I see people in person. If I’m seeing old friends then it’s fine, but when I’m with people I don’t know very well or that I haven’t seen in ages I sometimes feel like I fail to be me. I make too much uninteresting small talk, I get too nervous, I don’t make jokes or be silly like I normally do, the list goes on. I sometimes feel like I have a bit of a mental block that I have to push past in order to be myself around people. This is probably normal but it just means that I get very nervous talking about the things that I truly care about in person. Whereas on the internet, I don’t have to do that. I can put the time in and make sure that what I’m saying is what I mean, and I won’t be put on the spot trying to come up with evidence and the like, I can think it through and respond accordingly. Even if that response is just random emotional flailing.

Tumblr has always been my security place. Which seems silly when it’s a website full of gifs and stuff like “it craves that mineral” but it really is. I know lots of people have had bad experiences on the site but I have met some of the loveliest people on there and have received some of the nicest messages and it’s just always been a place where I can explore topics and build myself up a bit. It always used to be that if I knew you in real life and told you my tumblr username that it was a big show of friendship. Which is weird but there you go.

I don't know why recording myself talking about things and posting it online is more intimidating than blogging about them on here but it is. This blog has always felt pretty private whereas youtube just seems very open and public. So even though I really love the site and the people who create content on there and all of that malarky, I've just sort of lurked in the background like a little ghost viewer. 

And then I got tagged in a youtube tag challenge by my friend Leah on an evening when I was home alone with nothing better to do so I thought “fuck it” and gave it a go. And although the video is 20 minutes long and filmed on a webcam and I ramble a LOT, it was fun!

(Side note – Leah’s videos are excellent and if you’re not already subscribed to her you should head here and go do that. Really, if there’s one thing this blog is consistent at, it’s recommending her stuff. I am not secretly being bribed into promoting her or anything, I just think she creates great things.)

Having taken my first step into the land of youtube and not ended up spontaneously combusting I came up with a bit of an idea. For want of a better title, I am currently working with "Project Body Positivity". The basic jist is that I am going to create a series of videos that explore different topics that are associated with body positivity in order to hopefully make it clearer to other people what body positivity is, and also as an opportunity for me to learn more about it myself. At my current point of blogging I have done 3 videos and have a whole bunch more ideas for future ones. I am very open to help/collaboration/general suggestions and the like so feel free to comment/contact if you have thoughts! Below is the first proper video I did for the project but you can view more on my channel here.

It's important to me that I try to make an effort to continue learning about the things that I am passionate about and to work towards being the best version of me that I can be. I'm hoping that this project will be a way for me to continue to do that whilst also having some fun trying something new! I have no idea how regularly I'm going to be making videos but I'm having fun so am just going to go with it and see what happens. 

So yeah, this is just a bit of an update for you all really. I don't think a huge amount of people read this blog but if you do and you've been wondering where I've been recently, here is the answer! I do have a bunch of book reviews and other posts which I will post soon as well with a bit more regularity.

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